Poison

Sometimes it pays off to have a chat with one's dinner, especially if you're a cat about to set teeth into a poisonous mouse. Actually, that happens quite often and this time it was Greg the mouse who was about to be eaten by Beauty, the cat. When her teeth were hovering above him, just about to dig into this tasty morsel, he said: "Eh', excuse me, but that's not good for you, Madame Cat."

Never before had Beauty's dinner talked to her except by excessive cursings or prayers for mercy so she was very, very surprised when this happened. Also by the polite tone in this small, but and tasty treat. She stared at him in amazement when he spoke once again: "Yes, I'm not a healthy meal for you as I had the misfortune to eat some rat poison this very morning."

"Rat poison?!!!" Beauty exclaimed. "Had you eaten rat poison you would have been dead by now."

"Actually, I don't feel all too well so I'm sure to die soon, maybe in a few minutes. However, I shall still be a lethal meal, even for you, Madam Cat."

"What nonsense is this?" Beauty exclaimed, "It can't have been rat poison ...."

"All the others died," Greg said, wiping his eyes with his long tail. "Oh, so very sad, you would not want to experience anything like that. Especially not when you have such bright and pretty young ones to look after ...."

"What do you know about my babies? How did you know that they are pretty and bright?"

"I'm sure they take after you, Madame Cat," Greg said with a sneaky look on his mousy face.

Like all cats Beauty was prone to succumb to flattery. If somebody told her that she was pretty she looooved that individual right away. Still, the sly expression on the small face of this particular rodent made her distrust him. 

- He is a master of flattery, she thought to herself, and I bet he is a liar too. Even though it’s true that I am a beauty I don’t think that’s his opinion ….

"You, sir, is a liar," she said, looking at him with a stern glance, "you don't want to be eaten and that's the truth." Having said this she - oh horror of horrors - ate him, tail, ears, whiskers and the rest in a few gulps. After having devoured him she almost immediately started to feel a little worried because didn't her stomach behave in a strange manner? Maybe he had been right so that now she was poisoned? She lied down feeling a bit nauseated. Yes, she felt so worried and insecure of herself and her own judgment that she simply didn't hear the not all that soft pattering of paws behind her until she felt the sharp teeth of the Jones-family's dog, Tarzan, in her neck.

"Help!" she screamed, but nobody came to her rescue. Instead Tarzan laughed at her.

"You stupid and ugly, old cat, you homeless bag of fleas, that's for lying down and not being alert to a dog."

"I had to lie down," she yelled, "I'm sick!"

"Sick? Ha! I don't believe you."

"I've eaten Greg the Mouse even though he was contaminated by rat poison."

"Oh, my God!" Tarzan exclaimed. "That's awful." He let go of her, but pinned her down with one of his very large and exceedingly heavy paws. 

"Yeeees," she whined, "and I feel so sick. Everything is getting black and I'm so very dizzy …."

"Not good, no, not good, especially as I know you're a mother of several young ones. Maybe I better snap your neck to bring you out of your misery ...."

"What???!!! No, no, and besides, that would also contaminate you - it may already have happened - so that you too shall die a miserable death."

"Hmmmm," he said, "you may have a point, but I never bit you to bleed so I think I'm all right."

"Do you mind removing your paw from my back, it makes me even more nauseated to be pinned down like that?"

"If I did you would run away and that wouldn't be right to neither you nor the little ones now that I know you're poisonous. Your milk would kill them and you would suffer an awful death so I, being a good boy and all that, really shall have to snap your neck …."

"Help! Help!" Beauty wailed and this time someone came running. It turned out to be Tarzan’s human, and she grabbed him by his collar and lifted him off her.

"Oh no, you poor, homeless thing," she said letting go of Tarzan and picking Beauty up to cradle her in her protective arms. Tarzan was very upset at this unforeseen development in the drama, especially as he soon afterwards could see Beauty and her boisterous brood sitting in HIS sitting-room with HIS human being and eating HIS food while she was being petted by everyone in HIS home. She looked fit as a fiddle and whenever anybody mentioned Greg to her in the days to come she said, full of disgust: "Such a liar! He hadn't eaten poison at all, only wanted to scare me. I'm glad I ate him." 

As to Tarzan then he was beyond himself with regret that he hadn't snapped the neck of her, that damn cat, that criminal, lying mothball, who took over HIS family, HIS house and HIS favorite sleeping place: The lap of his beloved human .…